and i was so tired of the mess
in my head
tired of the homework
of the threat of losing myself
in with the heap
of dirty, sodden cigarette butts
i was tired of being quietly spoken about
of looked at with a judging selfish eye
i wanted to curl up
and pretend everything was a lie
if i could tell myself
that for a moment
i loved myself
i couldnt
i wasnt enough
she would hardly listen
my words fell flat
and she said nothing
i wanted to scream at her
tell her i was losing myself
losing my place in this world
i was tired of being disregarded
by her, by anyone
my thoughts werent for show
i wasnt trying to occupy a new territory
i wanted her to listen
just for a second
please listen,
 but she thought i was silly
my fears, a childish fantasy
she did as everyone else,
turned a blind eye and left
but my head implodes
with the despair and fear
i cant breathe
i cant think
im stuck in this place
it makes me want to die
of sheer loneliness